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VBAC
Week by Week

LIAM CONNOR WILLIAMS

Tuesday, August 26th, 1997
10:05 AM
4 lbs 1/2 ounce 17 1/4 inches long
Born at 30 weeks

Just to prepare anyone that is about to read this story....IT IS LONG!! I apologize for the length but it has been a long hard road for us. We had gone away to Maine for a few days towards the end of April when I noticed that I was feeling pain when I was breastfeeding my son Joshua. Something clicked in my head and I realized I must have dried up since I had been only nursing him once or twice a day for the past few months (he was 16 months old). So on the day we left I decided that I would just stop nursing him. So along comes the next week and I start getting this wierd feeling over me. I start to believe I am pregnant and I swear I could actually feel the baby moving. I tell my husband Joshua Sr. and he is like "no, your not, there is no way" (I had been on the pill since Joshua was 3 months old). But I just knew. So I walked to the local CVS the next weekend and bought a pregnancy test. Well it never works....nothing appears!! So I decide on May 7th to go to my doctor's office to have a pregnancy test done....especially since it will be more accurate. I go home early that day to be with my husband while I call. We were extremely nervous since we had NO plans of having children this close together (Joshua was only 16 months old). Before I called, my husband just kept saying how he thought it was going to be negative and that we had nothing to worry about. So I make the call and sure enough the nurse says it came back positive. When he said those words it meant nothing since I was already convinced. My husband was so estatic and came off the couch to hug me, however, I began to cry. I was blown away because now I actually had to think about what this all meant. Before your ever given the words "your pregnant" there is always the possibility that your negative so you don't begin to think about what this actually means. Well I had to immediately think what this meant to my current life situation especially when I knew I was already far along with this pregnancy (remember I knew I felt him moving).

Well the night we found out we had to meet my mom at the mall to pick out wedding invitations for our upcoming wedding. We were to be married on August 26th (keep this date in mind). While we were waiting we could not believe what was happening and we were extremely giddy. We decided on the invitations and me and Josh went to Mcdonalds for dinner afterwards. My mom went home where my dad was watching Joshua. While we ate dinner we finally started talking about what this really meant to us and what were we going to do. I hate to admit it now but we both talked about having an abortion. But I said to him during dinner there is no way I can have one since I already have gone through pregnancy and childbirth. I just knew I couldn't do it. We were both really scared and confused but we decided we would have this baby. So as we begin to TRY to get use to the fact that we are going to have another one to take care of and that we will have to start all over again I had one of the scariest moments in my life occur. I woke up on Sunday morning, May 11th and found out I was bleeding. I just knew I lost this baby (I never had ANY bleeding when I was pregnant with Joshua) so I called Josh (he was living at his mom's house at the time while I was living with my parents....we both had recently moved home to save up some money to buy a house once we got married) and he said he would be right over and I called the emergency medical number. The doctor said there was really nothing we could do now but to come in the next day for a visit and she would send me for an ultrasound (I managed to get the most requested doctor as my primary...there was a waiting list for her). I hadn't even had my first prenatal appointment yet!! In the meantime I decided to not go to my softball game that day for obvious reasons however my mom is the coach so I knew I was going to have to tell her once she got home. Of course once she got home she asked me what happened and I let her in on my news. She did not take it well at all and was obviously disappointed (just what I needed!!) So off we go the next day and I don't remember ever being this scared in my life. It was at this very moment that I realized that I loved this baby and I really wanted him. So I go to the appointment and she starts feeling my stomach and says that she thinks I am really far along because if what she is feeling is correct I am about 12 weeks along. I turned to Josh and said "told you so". She then does the heartbeat monitor and there was his little heartbeat (one great thing was Joshua was with us so he got to hear his brother's heartbeat as well which I found really sweet). She said that the baby sounded great and that I should go for an ultrasound to confirm the dates and to make sure everything was okay with him. At the ultrasound we asked to find out the baby's sex but they could not tell (with our first we decided to wait to find out). The ultrasound did confirm that the baby was 12 weeks along and that he was okay in there. However, they were able to see an abruption and that the placenta was covering the cervix. This was obviously the cause of the bleeding. I was advised to take it easy but I could still work. Well one week goes by and again I wake up to find myself bleeding on Sunday morning, May 18th. On Monday I go for another ultrasound and things looked fine with the baby but basically the same in regards to the placenta and the abruption. This time they were able to tell us the sex.....A BOY!!! I already had a huge feeling it was a boy so I was not suprised. With this pregnancy and birth I was so in tuned to my body and the baby that it was a beautiful feeling. Immediately Josh says in this dreamy voice "George Alan Williams" This is what he wants us to name the baby....it would be after his father who died when Josh was 8. It was a nice idea but I did NOT want to name my kid this and I was getting scared because he seemed really set on the name. But before we left the ultrasound office he said "how about Dylan George" I immediately thought "at least we are making some progress". I continued to have some bleeding here and there. I had my REAL 1st prenatal appointment on May 28th and everything seemed to be going fine. Well within a week I had one of the worst bleeding episodes I ever had. To give you an idea of how bad it was I was woken up from a dead sleep around 12:30am because it was so bad. I went to the bathroom and the blood literally just poured out of me and onto the floor. Once again I thought I lost my baby especially due to the amount of bleeding I had and I just quietly accepted this fact. I did not wake anyone up but I did call Josh and he was scared and just tried to calm me down until the doctor on call rang me back. It turned out to be the doctor who delivered Joshua. He said that if I was having a miscarriage I would be in pain and feel like I was in labor since I was so far along at this point. It did bring me some comfort but he said I should go for an ultrasound the next day and he would let Dr. Liau (my OB at the time) know. I was able to go back to sleep and we headed off to the ultrasound office once again. As I sat in the office I thought back to when I came here when I was pregnant with Joshua and how it was such a joyful experience but at this time I was so scared that I was going to hear those dreaded words "your baby died" and it would be all over with. I can't even describe how convinced I was that I lost my baby but I am sure many mom's can understand what I am trying to say. Well as the ultrasound technician began doing the scan she was saying different things about the baby but I asked her straight out "is the baby still alive?" and she said "yes it looks great, see the heartbeat is right there" I looked and saw that heart beating away and I began to cry. Josh bent down and gave me a hug and held onto my hand real tight and the ultrasound technician looked at me and was so moved because I was crying. I then talked to my doctor later that afternoon to see what she thought about the results. She said I would have to be on bed rest for the next 2 1/2 weeks. I could not believe this was happening....quite different from my 1st pregnancy. I tried to take it easy as much as possible but chasing after a 17 month old is not too easy. I did end up going back to work at the end of June once things seemed to calm down somewhat. The issue with the placenta was not too concerning since it still had time to move up once my uterus started getting bigger and they just hoped that the abruption repaired itself. However, the 1st weekend in July I passed some blood clots the size of a silver dollar. Once again I called the emergency number and the doctor set me up for another ultrasound the upcoming Monday (these blood clots happened on Saturday). This time my mom went with me since Josh could not get off of work. They could not see any reason for the blood clots and the baby was doing good and developing nicely. They also noticed that the placenta had moved up and that the tear seemed to have repaired itself. This was such great news!! It is so funny because with the ultrasounds for Liam I could locate everything....with Joshua's ultrasounds I couldn't see anything even when they pointed things out. It may have something to do with the fact that by the time I had Liam that I had about 8 ultrasounds but it was quite a reassuring feeling nonetheless. After this last ultrasound we really thought things would be fine and get back on track. Things went this way for a few weeks until Monday, July 23rd. I went food shopping that night with Joshua and of course he wanted me to carry him instead of sitting in the carriage....keep in mind Joshua is only 18 months old at that time BUT weighs around 30 pounds. Well I finally get home put all the groceries away and Josh puts Joshua to bed. As I am laying on the couch I start to feel these tightening sensations. I laugh to Josh how I am having contractions....I thought they were just braxton hicks since I am only 25 weeks along at this point. I think nothing of them but I do notice that I get them throughout the night even when I am sleeping. I wake up and start getting ready for work and get Joshua ready for daycare. I notice that the contractions are getting stronger and that I need to breathe through them. I still do not call the doctor and some people may yell at me but I was in denial and had no clue that this could actually be happening. But by the time I got to Joshua's daycare I was in alot of pain and had to have my dad bring Joshua up to her house (my dad was driving me into work that day). Once I got to work I called my OB office and I talked to a different OB (this one was actually my primary OB when I was pregnant with Joshua). She asked me if I was having 4 or more contractions an hour and I said "definetly". She then told me to go directly to the hospital and check in. I called Josh at work and he flew in the car to get me (his work is about 25 minutes away). Once I got to the hospital I was hooked up the external fetal monitor and sure enough the contractions are registering as 3 - 5 minutes apart. The doctor that was at the hospital that day realized that I had been positive for group B strep at one time so she started antibiotics. They then injected 3 shots of terbutaline at this time which did make the contractions stop. She also said I was about 1 cm dilated. I could not believe this was actually happening. They then said how I would have to stay in the hospital for a few days. I have never been apart from Joshua overnight so I was quite upset about this but I understood why. The terbutaline makes you very sleepy so by time I was actually put into my antenatal room I was exhausted and hungry. Josh checked with the nurses to make sure I was getting something to eat and then left to pick Joshua up from daycare in time. After 3 days I was sent home on bed rest and taking the terbutaline every 4 hours. I could not believe I would not be returning to work until I had him but my work was fantastic about this and they all were really concerned about me and the baby. I tried to take it easy but like I said before taking care of a 18 month old is not easy. Things went along smoothly for a while and I was enjoying getting to spend all this time with Joshua. On Thursday, August 14th Josh was working the 4 - 12 shift at work so when he came home around 12:30am he found me sleeping on the couch. He woke me up to come to bed and we just sat for a few minutes to talk. It was then that I started feeling this really wierd pain...not like contractions at all. I also thought I was bleeding much heavier....I had been bleeding straight since I was discharged from the hospital in July. I tried walking around the house to make the pain go away but nothing helped. This is when I decided to call the doctor with Josh's urging. She told me that I better head into the hospital due to my pregnancy history. It was now around 1:00am and luckily my dad just got home from work like 2 minutes before I called the doctor. Joshua was sleeping and my mom was away on vacation so we needed someone to stay with him and the only person left was my dad (my dad works the night shift). We then headed to the hospital and it was so nice because it was a beautiful summer night with absolutely no traffic (a big bonus when driving in Boston). When we get to the hospital I am once again hooked up to the monitor and put on antibiotics. The monitor confirms my contractions are 3 minutes apart. They are also really worried about my blood lost since it was quite a large amount this time. They do a hermatocrit count on me and it comes back kind of low. I am admitted into the hospital with orders that I will not be leaving until I have this baby (I am only 27/28 weeks along). This hits me hard and my mind starts racing about everything such as who will take care of Joshua and how Josh will get to work everyday since our car died 2 days previously. They give me the 3 terbutaline shots and this stops contractions once again. I am then given it orally every 3 hours during my stay in the hospital. I am also put on so many vitamins and pills since I am literally bed ridden. My biggest thrill of the day is taking a shower because it is the only time I am allowed to get up and walk around. The nurses were fantastic and I got to be good friends with them (I guess that happens when the same people are taking care of you day after day). My family and friends came to visit as often as possible but since the hospital is about 25 minutes away from our house and the parking stinks it made things kind of hard. The hardest thing during this time was being away from Joshua. He did not deal well with the seperation in the beginning which broke my heart. Keep in mind I have never been apart from him overnight. I went to the hospital to take care of one of my kids and I left one behind at home. During my stay I would start contracting again but the shots usually stopped it until Sunday, August 24th rolled around. That night after everyone had left from visiting me I began to eat my dinner but shortly after I was sick to my stomach. I started getting a funny feeling once again and knew I was having contractions. I timed them for a few minutes and realized they were coming pretty often. I buzzed the nurse and sure enough they registered on the monitor. They did the 3 shots but it did not stop anything (the one thing with terbutaline is that your body sometimes gets immune to it). After about an hour and a 1/2 they decide to bring me down to the labor and delivery floor. The nurse wants to clean me up a little bit before sending me down and decides to change my pad. She notices that it is much heavier than usual and looking kind of funny compared to my other pads. She immediately thinks my water broke. She takes the pad with her to show the labor nurse. I get all settled in but the labor nurse decides that the pad is nothing to worry about. The doctor also believes my water did not break. They decide that in the mornng I will be started on magnesium sulfate if the contractions do not go away. I will need to sleep with the external fetal monitor on to see if they do stop. (UNCOMFORTABLE) They never do stop so they start the magnesium sulfate on Monday morning and they warn me about the side effects of this such as the shakes and feeling like you are on fire. I do end up with these side effects plus I felt totally out of it which did allow me to basically doze. The contractions kept coming despite the magnesium in my system. They even kept increasing the amount I was getting but they were nervous about hitting the limit when their goal was to stop labor and make the pregnancy progress for at least 2 more weeks (at this point I am 30 weeks along). Around 2 pm I have this awfully bloated feeling ....I felt like a balloon was inside me. Since I am unable to go to the bathroom (I was hooked up to the IV line, automatic blood pressure cuff and the fetal monitor) they give me a bed pan but it does not work. I do not feel like I need to pee I just feel bloated. They decide to insert a catheter to help me go and boy did it help but that bloated feeling was still there. It was then that water started coming out and I could not control it. The nurse and the doctor did confirm that this was indeed my water which basically meant the magnesium sulfate would be stopped and I would be allowed to have this baby. It was at this very moment that it finally hit me that I was going to have a preemie baby. I could not walk to progress labor and I could not take the shower I planned on when I got the contractions. They needed to have this labor go as long as possible to help the baby out. Back in July I was given 2 sets of steriod shots to help mature the baby's lungs and this time I was given them again (basically they were doing anything to help him). I called Josh at work and told him to try to leave work whenever he could since this was going to be happening. By the time he got to the hospital I was feeling very faint contractions and things pretty much went at a sluggish pace. The worse part was I could not have anything to eat since they did not know when active labor would kick in. I sure was hungry. Josh ended up falling asleep around 9pm since he was exhausted by that point. I was wide awake and my contractions basically went away. I felt like a little kid going to bed on christmas eve....I was so excited. I could not fall asleep that night and nothing was happening to me.....UGH!!! Plus I wasn't able to do anything to help progress labor (my night nurse did let me walk around a little bit since she knew I was dying just laying in bed....she was fantastic and was so sad that she had to leave come 7am when the nurse shift happened). However around 5 am I noticed some real strong tightening feelings. I started to time them and realized they were coming pretty frequent but not too close together. I felt great and so in control. I never bothered waking Josh up but I did buzz the nurse to let her know. I did ask about pain medication and she said it was too early to give it now. The doctor checked me and I was about 3 cms at this point. Soon I noticed the contractions coming much closer together and becoming stronger. I still felt in control and just basically concentrated on dealing with this pain. The room was really dark at this point which was a soothing thing. About 2 hours went by with the contractions becoming stronger and more frequent when they said I could have some kind of pain medication. I thought to myself I will not do the epidural unless I am 5 cm (my labor with Joshua was induced so it was quite long and I made very slow progess so I wanted to avoid that happening this time around plus I knew things were actually moving along). The doctor checked me and said I was 5 cm so I said to go ahead with the epidural. By the time the antheiologist came it was about 8am. Josh was up by this point holding my hand as I was hooked up for the epidural. I did feel some relief but I still had such pain in my perinium (this was due to his head descending since subsequent babies do not drop until you go into labor). But the epidural did allow for me to relax and stay in control. Plus I knew everything that was going on and was still feeling the contractions. Around 9:30am I started getting extreme pressure in my perinium and felt like pushing. I told Josh to buzz the nurse and she came in and checked me and said I was about 9 cm so I wasn't set to push at this time. She left for only about 5 minutes when I had Josh buzz her once again. She checked me and said I was about 10 but I still had a little lip in the way. She instructed to keep going with the breathing until the lip was gone. I felt so composed and so in charge of this labor....what a beautiful feeling this was. Josh then buzzed her once again (it was about 9:50am) and she came in and confirmed I was all set. She got the doctor who then proceeded to set everything up. The nurse had the nurses at the desk call the NICU since my baby would be quite premature. They set up the bed so I was basically in a sitting position and the doctor sat at my feet. She was so encouraging and helped massage my perinium to prevent any tears. The nurse had one leg and Josh had the other while he was also holding the camcorder videotaping the birth. I can't help but keep saying how much in control I was. With only a few pushes his head was showing and then with a few more I felt my miracle baby be born. He instantly started crying and the way I was sitting I got to see him right away. The doctor had to cut his cord since she had to get him over to the warming table immediately(Josh cut Joshua's cord). I felt so great and after a few minutes passed the neonatalogists asked me if I wanted to hold him before he was taken to the NICU. Of course I said yes and I took my miracle baby and held him so tight and just cried. Here he finally was the baby I was so scared to get attached to while I was pregnant. The neonatalogist asked Josh if he wanted to hold him and she would videotape him. They then brought me up on the strecher to see him up in the NICU before I was brought to my postpartum room. There he was on the warming table for observation with tubes in him everywhere and an IV hooked up in his tiny arm. He was SO little but quite big for a preemie...he was 4 pounds 1/2 ounce and 17 1/4 inches long. (Joshua was 9pounds 11ounces) He did really well the first week of his life and was actually moved over to the least critical section of the NICU by Friday. However we got a telephone call at 5:15am telling us he had a bad night and wasn't doing so good. I made Josh answer the phone thinking it was his work (he was just about to leave) and I knew by the way he was talking that it was the hospital. Liam ended up getting pneumonia and was put on antibiotics for a few days. He did really well and was once again switched to section A (the least critical section) again. He stayed there until he was transferred to a different hospital....one that was only 10 minutes away from our house. I have been going up to see him twice a day to nurse him and spend some time with him. The first week was hell....I was totally out of control and just continued to cry. But soon I just accepted him having to stay in the hospital and having to see him that way. Although my arms ached from being empty when I knew that I should be holding a baby. There is no worse feeling. He just turned 10 weeks the other day and he is making progress. His biggest issue is his lungs....he has a chronic lung disease due to his prematurity. His lungs have scarring on the tissue and this will not be healed until new tissue grows (about 2 years of age). He has fed beautifully since he turned about 34 weeks and in the meantime I just kept pumping (anyone would laugh if they saw my freezer) and nursing him when I would visit. Nursing is a fantastic experience which I knew first hand with Joshua so it made me even more determined to stick with the pumping even though it stinks. He has had some setbacks along the way mainly with his lungs. He was given steriods for a week and did great after them but soon started fading again. That was a hard blow to take especially when we thought he was being discharged and it turns out he needed to go back on the oxygen. When he was about 37 weeks they decided to put him on some medication called diurel which is a diaretic that helps his lungs get rid of extra fluid that they tend to hold onto. He was able to go a few hours without needing any oxygen but would soon need it once again. It was discouraging but it was progress. He then started doing real well without the oxygen and they decided to put him on a countdow. If he went 72 hours without the oxygen then he would be able to come home. Well he would keep flunking the countdown since he would need some oxygen usually once a day. It was around this time that they decided to try another medication called theophyalline which also helps his lungs. This was kind of like their last attempt with him otherwise he was going to be sent home on the oxygen. He was coming close to his due date. Well they started the new medication and he seemed to take off. His oxygen saturations were so high which they never were since birth and they remainded high. On Friday, October 31st I talked to one of my favorite nurses who said to me "what is this rumor I hear that he will be going home this coming Monday". I knew he was coming home the next week either with or without oxygen but I never knew it was the Monday coming up. I couldn't believe this ordeal was finally going to be over with. The night before halloween the nurses dressed him up and he was a hershey's kiss. One of the nurses handmade all these outfits for the babies in the special care nursery.....the nurses were unbelievable!!! That final weekend before he came home was such a great feeling. I knew the end was finally coming. Before I never saw any kind of an end...I just saw this endless path ahead of me. So it is now Friday, November 7th and he has been home since this past Monday, November 3rd. My original due date was November 2nd. It is so great to have him home. I am unable to stop kissing and holding him. He is not over everything yet and he will have to be watched over the next 3 years. He will have monthly meetings to make sure he is doing things that are `appropriate" for his age and he will go once a month for an infusion to protect him against a virus called RSV. Yes it is a long uncertain road ahead of us but we have him home and that is all that matters for now.

At my postpartum checkup I asked about this pregnancy and the placenta (it looked extremely unhealthy to me and I never saw a placenta before). She said it was confirmed that the abruption caused the premature labor but they are not sure why I had the abruption especially since my first pregnancy went beautifully. She did say that the placenta report came back saying it was damaged and that we were lucky we got this far with the pregnancy. She also said that I should prepare for the same thing to happen if I decide to have another baby.

Since having Joshua I wanted to be a nurse but back then I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse but after this whole experience I have decided I want to be a neonatal intensive care unit nurse. I feel I can offer something to other parents going through this situation and I want to be involved in helping these babies get healthier and to thrive. I am hoping to go back to school in a year from now when Liam is one.

This birth story is dedicated to the staff at the Winchester Special Care Nursery (Winchester, Massachusetts).