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Torin's Birth

Torin is now 12 days old & I've finally figured out how to paste his birth story into an MKP post! which I was waiting for as closure before weaning myself off MKP daily checks ... the overwhelming nature of new parenthood doesn't necessarily get you over suddenly being "NOT pregnant" ...

Moral of this story is a line I've seen attributed to John Lennon -- "Life is something that happens while you're busy making other plans." Just because you're pregnant & "prepared" doesn't mean you're prepared for everything! as we learned starting 1/31. (Context: we had "prepared" for a natural drug-free birth, with months of Bradley classes and endless book-learnin', etc.)

On Tuesday, Jan. 30, three weeks before my due date, I was working, preparing for two HUGE meetings at work the next day, after a stop at the midwives' office for my checkup.

They'd been watching me for high blood pressure for 2 months, and I'd been putting on a lot of water weight for a few weeks, but there was no hint of a crisis -- till that next day.

After BP checks close to 160/100 at the midwives' office, and 9 more pounds water in a week, and some protein in the urine, I was sent over to the hospital's labor & delivery floor for a nonstress test. The baby was fine but my BP wouldn't go down. I was sure it was because I'd gone into hysterics while talking with the midwife about an impending monthlong visit from my father-in-law (one he'd kind of unilaterally decided on).

Somewhere while they waited and watched to see if my BP would go down, the midwives & nurses moved me into a birthing room. I should have known something was up, but I was in denial, except for the fact I wasn't going to be allowed to leave to go to work for my big meetings. I called work in a semi-panic. Before long, I was getting a big talk-up from the on-call midwife about how the blood pressure was at life-threatening "seizure or stroke" level and the only cure was to get the baby out, so they wanted to induce -- IMMEDIATELY.

That just put me into more hysterics. But it eventually seemed clear I hadn't much choice. I had never been a hospital inpatient before, but suddenly I was being gowned and settled & all, even before I could get Patrick out of work & down to support me!

What ensued was a 5-day hospital ordeal -- gel, gel, many hours of Pitocin, continuous fetal monitoring, straps and cuffs everywhere, dragging the IV pole into the bathroom, 10 pounds extra bloating from Pit, the horrible anti-seizure drug magnesium sulfate, TWO failed induction attempts spread over four days, no sleep, a change in plans almost every time the midwives & consulting OB's & labor/delivery nurses changed shifts. My BP had somewhat stabilized so I kept wailing that if I was fine & the baby was fine (we were still only at 37 1/2 weeks), why couldn't they give me something for the BP and send me home to wait for labor to start NATURALLY?

On Saturday night, they gave up on induction & moved me over to the postpartum rooms for observation ("vital sign" checks every two hours, enforced bed rest, endless heartburn), which lasted till Monday morning, when a wonderful member of the midwife corps decided to try letting me go home for bed rest THERE. HALLELUJAH! ... just had to pass a couple more tests (another NST, an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid) first.

Bed rest at home was actually scarier because the hospital folks had really gotten to me with the "your BP puts you at risk of stroke or seizure" stuff. I lay in bed quaking in fear while trying to read the magazines Patrick kept buying for me. Made it to Wednesday, when we returned to the midwives' clinic -- at which time the BP was up again but settled down to an acceptable 154/95ish after a nap on the examining table! -- so we went home till Friday (Feb. 9), at which time another NST was scheduled at the hospital.

Once again, the BP was way up, the NST was fine, we were put into a labor room, there was talk of another induction attempt -- but then inexplicably the midwife on call had a change of heart and let us go home "for the weekend."

"DON'T EVEN SIT UP!" I was warned. Great for my peace of mind.. worrying that every time I got up for the bathroom I was at risk of dropping dead. Sunday night, looking ahead to what I sensed would be the last hospital trip one way or another, I was too scared to sleep ..

I made Patrick keep the light on, and brought a portable radio into bed, sitting it on my tummy ... I remember the baby kicking and punching at various points, a precious memory now because that was the last night he was inside me.

Monday 2/12 dawned with a half-moon in the crisp morning sky as we headed to the hospital for 7:30 NST and 8:30 amniotic fluid check, me AGAIN in full recline on the passenger seat.

The NST fine, my blood pressure wasn't -- saw a lot of 170/110. I was wheeled over for the ultrasound, and that wasn't fine either -- the radiologist pronounced the baby dangerously low on fluid.

The midwife on call, Judy, was one of our favorites, from among all 10!!! who'd spent time with us during the preceding ordeal. She said there was no choice but to try inducing again. This time, I was ready, though still scared it wouldn't take -- my cervix wasn't much more "favorable," about the only good point was the baby was head down.

At 1:15 in the afternoon she gave me more gel -- since I'd lost my mucus plug after the previous two attempts, I was hoping that would give the gel more room to "take" -- one hour later, in went the Pitocin IV. Judy was reassuring & optimistic.

Patrick sat with me as the afternoon brought some (mild in retrospect) contractions. We told my mom to stay home until and unless we got into "real" labor.

The sun set, and I thought it was a bad sign when I still felt like dinner around 5:30, gobbling down some version of the typically brown & white hospital food -- meatballs on noodles or something.

I shouldn't have worried. Somewhere in the next hour, the "gear shift" of which Judy had spoken kicked in -- the contractions were suddenly too hard & too close & I was in rapidly escalating misery. I begged them not to turn the Pitocin up (seems they had no intention of that, since they'd found the right level, which apparently wasn't too high -- my "receptors" were just infally working!)

The BP problem complicated labor in that they wanted me to stay lying down but I couldn't handle the contractions without sitting up, grabbing the bed rail AND someone's hand for dear life, scrunching up my face, breathing in and out as best I could, and counting to survive to the peak ("1 little elephant, 2 little elephant, 3 little elephant," etc. to about 10, I remember is how I counted to myself).

Patrick and the nurses also borrowed some imagery from our Bradley relaxation training about "ride the wave" of the contraction.

Maybe about 7:30, dinner came back up, which I know was a good sign, and midwife Judy was ecstatic -- earlier she hadn't foreseen a baby till maybe the next afternoon.

She was soon to hand off to night shift midwife Kate, who gave me my first pelvic of the night -- "3 centimeters dilated, 100 percent effaced! with a nice bulging bag of waters!" She was happy, Judy was happy, I was feeling squeezed to death with the contractions but happy to hear of progress.

Judy suggested a "therapeutic" epidural, noting my BP in 170/110 land and saying that to be "comfortable" might keep it somewhat in check. I was not about to argue. I was already in "I can't take this any more" mode. Patrick did his good Bradley daddy act, making sure I really meant it and wasn't going to regret it later or be mad -- I remember telling him, shakily, 'No, I won't regret it, this is HELL.'

The epidural didn't exactly change it to heaven though. The anesthesiologist got it in easily enough -- but it only worked on my left half. The right half kept crunching just as hard with those too-close-together Pitocin contractions. He came back & tried again -- ABOUT SEVEN TRIES before he found another spot. That one didn't work much either. I kept holding on for dear life. Labor really was meeting Sheila Kitzinger's description, "stormy" -- as if with each contraction, I was picked up by a tidal wave and slammed against a wall.

At quarter past 11 p.m, Kate checked me again -- 8 cm!!! She broke my water (late enough in labor to make me happy, Bradley says an intact bag helps dilation) -- and instantly I was at 9 cm. With the warm gush, I heard her say "Nice clear fluid." They put an internal monitor on the baby so they could free me from the external (which never wanted to stay). Patrick was feeding me crushed ice & asking if I wanted music -- I couldn't focus on anything but the growing pressure and tightness inside my body, and the soothing words of the two nurses who were working with midwife Kate.

Soon I was dimly aware they were bringing in equipment & clothing -- carts, scrubs, etc. Another good sign. They also were bringing in more BP drugs because mine stayed at 180/120 with contractions. There was some worried talk about how I would handle pushing, and whether the on-call OB might have to come in with a vacuum extractor to help get the baby out. Kate seemed confident I could try pushing, but I couldn't sit up.

She declared me completely dilated at quarter past midnight, and said matter-of- factly I could "try" pushing if I felt like it. I started kind of gingerly. Soon, they put an oxygen mask on my face -- and started coaching me thru pushing, thru several different positions, with helpful guidance like "help your baby turn the corner." Patrick was helping hold my legs -- I remember his as one of the voices saying they saw a scalp full of hair. Kate was doing something internal to help me stretch -- part of the coaching included, with a contraction, "Push Kate's fingers right out of there!"

The 'crew' finally found a good position for me to push -- if I said the contraction was starting, they'd grab my legs, lift them up, counsel me to gulp and hold a huge breath, chin on chest, and PUSH!!!!!!!! (Patrick tells me later they also held THEIR breath at these times watching my BP reading go off every five minutes -- 180/120 plus with pushes.)

There was a mirror up on the opposite wall, and during a few of the pushes I opened my eyes long enough to look up -- and finally see part of that hairy little scalp! Somewhere after a looooooong push, I saw it crowning at the opening -- Kate apparently "snipped" me here after some other kind of internal snip a bit earlier -- gave me one "DON'T push yet" direction -- then changed the order with the next contraction -- and out he slid!!!!!!

A fragment of our birth plan survived here -- Patrick was the person who declared "It's a BOY!" -- and I started shrieking in happiness and relief. He was out! I pushed him out! (We hadn't known the gender.) But I didn't get skin-to-skin contact right away -- the two nurses were busy checking him out on the other side of the room -- Kate was busy sewing me up and coaching me thru the placental delivery -- I remember her remarking on the strength of the umbilical cord and how well it must have nourished him (by that point they were already speculating he was 9-plus pounds, later confirmed at 9 pounds 6 ounces) -- Patrick says I became coherent quite quickly -- Soon enough, the baby was in my arms, and I cooed, "Little baby Torin!" -- no chance for us to change our minds from the boy name we'd chosen recently.

Patrick made a few phone calls, first to wake up my mom, whom I remember weeping that she was sorry she couldn't have been there for me -- but we had no time to call once the labor "took off" earlier in the evening.

Torin & I stayed in the hospital for 2 more days -- I had to stay on the anti- seizure drug "magnesium sulfate" for 24+ hours after delivery -- agony to try to learn breastfeeding with an IV still in your arm!!!

We came home to a house much less organized than we'd planned, due to the prelude of 2 weeks of chaos, but we're getting it together day to day. I am not grieving my natural-birth dream, I know the BP problem was to blame for all the interventions, and there's nothing I could have done to change it. The Bradley training we got was still incredibly helpful, even down to the muscle tone I got from all those Kegels, and the nutrition the baby got from the nutrition counseling!!!!

On the bright side, the BP problem does seem to be evaporating -- as does the water weight -- I'm already more than 30 pounds down!!!! -- And one last word of advice, if you are in your final month or so of pregnancy, enjoy EVERY second -- the end (or something like it) could come sooner than you expect -- even if you WISH it was over, don't rush it, I wouldn't mind savoring the sensation of the baby inside me just one more time -- especially from the days BEFORE the bed rest and induction attempts!!

t.r., mom to Torin, born 1:22 a.m. 2/13/96